Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
