Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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