I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
