What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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