So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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