Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.