I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.