One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass