You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.