Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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