You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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