I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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