I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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