I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
