She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
