I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
