I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
