You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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