Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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