this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
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He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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