Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
