have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
