Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
