Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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