Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
