Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
