He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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