I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
