I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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