I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
