It's like God shit irony all over that family
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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