so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
