Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
