Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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