they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
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scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?