Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing