i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken