In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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