True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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