I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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