I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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