Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
