if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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