today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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