I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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