How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
