Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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