i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
