i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
