before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
