My friends, they love my intelligence
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
