Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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