So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize