I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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