You're so nebulous sometimes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
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He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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