my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
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Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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